Okazaki Kei - PS Vita - Stellaworth SS

It’s difficult to name this relationship.

But the truth is that I think she's special, and she seems to feel the same way.

I think that's the only thing that matters and everything else is trivial.

When I tell her exactly that, word by word – Ichika-chan looks into my face with a slightly displeased expression on her face.

“Okazaki-san…there are parts about you that are surprisingly logical, but at times when it matters, it’s like you just throw that logic away…you become careless…or better yet, how do I put it?

"Selfish?"

"…Yes."

"Hmm, maybe so. But you don't hate me like that, do you?"

"...It’s unfair."

Just like her words, at my unfair reply, she looks frustrated and pulls her lips down in frustration.

I love this look.

She wants to deny me, but deep down in her heart, she can't.

That expression that looks like she's attracted to me on an instinctual level.

Because I feel the same way, and sometimes, even I don't understand why I want her this much.

―― At first, she was just a symbolic existence; someone I needed to use to fulfill my goals.

Next, I was obsessed with her as someone who could fulfill my wishes.

Now – even if she doesn't like it, even if my wish doesn't come true, I just want the ‘her’ that’s right in front of me.

"You're the one who made me like this, so please take responsibility."

“That’s my line. Please take responsibility and stay with me until the end.”

With a wry smile, she squeezes my hand tightly.

I’m the one who usually takes her hand first, but now, she's the one who’s holding my hand all the time.

As if to reassure me.

―― To keep me connected to this world.

(Until the end...huh.)

To give her such anxiety, It's not that I don't feel guilty.

But more than that, I’m also happy.

I don’t want to betray this feeling of her, who is desperately trying to save me.

"It's delicious, the cake Yoshinari-san bought for you."

She laughs softly.

That look on her face makes me happy, but I still can't smile properly.

After eating this cake, we would have to go back to Yanagi-san and the others.

We’ve finished watching the DVD. The short Christmas party is over.

The thing about her collar and about what to do next, we have to go back to facing reality.

(I just want to stay like this, huh...I think it’s the first time for me to feel this way.)

I had told her about my past, my purpose, and what I truly wish from the bottom of my heart – we exposed our true feelings to each other, and I think we came to understand each other a little better because of that.

But it's not enough.

I feel that I can’t stop my greedy desire because I had given up the wish I had been holding on to for so long and she is the one who had given me a new wish.

―― I've been living to die all this time.

But now, I have decided to live for her.

I just don't want to lose it [her].

"...Hey, Ichika-chan. After all, because it’s Christmas, do you want to make out?"

"...Keukh! coughing What are you saying...!"

She was in the midst of tasting her cake and chokes violently after hearing my words.

That sight of her is also adorable.

...Ah, just like this, I want to hug her, push her down, and trap her in my arm – these kinds of ferocious feelings grow within me.

"Because when it comes to Christmas, it’s all about flirting, right?"

"That's why... Didn't I just say that? That...I'm putting off talking about lovers."

"But you can do naughty things with someone even if the other party is not a lover."

"Please don't throw out problematic comments like that with a smile on your face. People don't usually do that.”

"Then, how far is OK?"

"How far..."

I want to feel her on my skin.

It’s not something like an easy romantic feeling, much less a pure desire.

From here on, if I think about how I might lose her, is it so strange that I want to engrave her existence, even just a little?

"You said 'I don't mind' when I kissed your hair earlier, didn’t you?"

"...!"

"Hey, how far... will you accept me?"

I grab her small hand gently and bring my face close enough that I can feel her breath. She doesn’t show any dislike, but I can feel her body stiffening. While waiting for her reaction, thinking that if I proceed any further she would hate me for being forceful, she then glares at me with a resentful blush.

"You're always pushy...why are you waiting for my reaction only at times like this?"

"Eh. Does that mean... you want me to forcibly attack you?"

"Yes!? Why did it become like that! I didn’t mean it that way..!"

I had my high hopes up for a little bit, but she rejected me with such tremendous force.

I’ve known for quite some time, but it seems that my sense of intuition is quite out of place.

"Um…it's OK if it’s holding hands."

"Eh…but isn’t that just the same as usual?"

"It's strange to hold hands with anyone."

"I’m telling you, I don’t just do it with anyone. Then, how about a kiss on the cheek?"

"That's why…! It’s embarrassing to be asked something like that...! T-Then Okazaki-san...what do you want to do?"

"Me?"

"Specifically, what kind of things..."

"...Can I really say it?"

"Wait, I'm sorry. I was wrong."

At the adorable sight of her, who’s gone red with embarrassment after saying such things herself, I gently touch her lips with my index finger, silencing her.

Twitch.

Ichika-chan's shoulder shakes at my touch.

"I want to…kiss you."

"... Still...not good."

"What do you mean by 'still'?"

"Yes...right now…it's still pending..."

"I see…well, I guess I'll just have to look forward to it, then...huh? But then, does that mean we can't flirt after all? Even though it’s Christmas…how lonely."

"Well, from my impression, I think I've flirted with you enough...well, that's fine. Then, please turn your back."

"Eh?"

As she speaks those words, my body is pushed around a little forcefully, and while not really understanding it, I turn my back just like she wanted.

Then, I can feel something warm on my back.

…I realize that Ichika-chan is hugging me from behind, her heart thumping loudly against my back.

"That you’re here, alive right now in front of me…wanting to feel those things, I’m like that too."

And then just like that, she gives me the words I want to hear the most.

Hearing those words, I’m finally able to smile to my heart's content.

"...Thank you."

With my back still turned, I hold her hand again.

My hands, which have been trembling miserably and were cold just a moment ago, are now wrapped in warmth.

―― This relationship has no name.

(In the same way that I can't put a name to this feeling that comes whenever I think of you.

Just…what I know is, your warmth that I feel on my back – I don’t want to lose it.)

No matter what happens, I decide that I will make this wish come true.

Donate ❤