Nicola 1926 - Stellaworth

Non posso fare a meno di amarti (I can’t help but love you)

“You and Leo sure get along well, huh. The two of you have always been close, but even more so these days.”

The time is after dinner. It’s just the two of us inside the bedroom.

Looking at her, who is in the midst of combing her hair, I suddenly clear my throat.

“Eh…?”

She turns her head in surprise.

Placing her comb and rising from her spot, she comes to sit beside me on the bed, head tilted as though studying me.

“Could it be because of what happened today?”

“Correct~”

Today is the day I had promised to invite my beloved lover – she, who is also my future bride – to my mansion.

The day to welcome her to my residence (T/N: meaning to welcome her as his bride) isn’t too far ahead.

That’s why, as to not steal away from the remaining time she has with her “family”, even now I still allow her to live at the church.

Anyways.

Today she was supposed to be visiting, and thinking that she would be waiting for my return at home, I had quickly finished all my work in the morning and returned to the mansion –

But for some reason, when I got back, Leo was sitting beside her.

Maybe they were in the midst of talking about something amusing, because both of them were sporting carefree smiles on their faces.

“Ah, welcome home, Nicola!”

“Please pardon the intrusion, Nicola-san!”

“I’m back, Signorina…and Leo. Are you here for some urgent business?”

I took off my hat as I questioned him and settled myself beside my lover.

“I came here to deliver something. This is the document that Dante wanted me to give to you. He seems to want it looked at as soon as possible.”

“Is that so…thank you.”

I accepted the envelope that was being handed over to me.

“Also, I have some refreshments from Giulia.”

“It’s freshly-baked amaretti! Bartolo said he will serve it together with coffee!”

“Hmm…”

Speaking of which, she really likes Giulia’s amaretti.

“I had a chance to do a little taste-testing earlier, and today too, it was the best!”

“I can’t wait!”

“...”

While breaking out into a smile, I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to me.

“Hey, Leo. This girl is mine after all, so can you not sit so close to her?”

“Eh?! Ah! I-I’m terribly sorry! That’s all from me, so please excuse me –!”

Leo got up in a hurry.

I let out another wry smile and used my gaze to tell him to sit back down.

“I didn’t mean to kick you out or anything. Before going back, you have some time to drink coffee right?”

After that, while talking about how Dante had been doing lately, the three of us had a good chat.

[Back to present time]

“...Well, you and Leo are close in age, right? And the two of you love sweet things too.”

I avert my gaze in a dejected way.

“He’s a friendly person to begin with, and I did ask him to help protect you when I’m not around. So it’s only natural that the two of you would get along, but…”

“N-Nicola…”

She calls my name in a panic.

“Leo is a good person, but I’ve never thought about him in that way! He’s just a friend.”

“...Friend?”

“Yes. Even when we’re together, we usually end up talking about you. Because just like me, Leo also likes you!”

“...”

I inadvertently pout my lips.

Perhaps noticing my dissatisfaction, she blinks her eyes at me like she’s troubled.

“Is your “like” and his “like” the same? If your “like” towards me isn’t much greater than his, I won’t be satisfied.”

“! T-that’s just a figure of speech…!”

“Then explain to me about this “like” of yours. So that I can understand it immediately.”

Facing her stiffening figure, I lightly spread my arms and make a posture as though to welcome her.

As I wait in anticipation to see what she would do, she blushes and suddenly jumps into my arms –

And steals a kiss, as though robbing from me.

“W-With this, do you understand?”

“...”

After ruminating for a while, I embrace her in a hug. Then, I gather her in my arms and place her on my lap, grabbing onto her from behind to eliminate any paths of retreat. I give her a deeper kiss than the one I had received earlier to convey my love, and when she tries to escape, I put my hand on the back of her head to pull her closer.

We continue kissing until a sweet voice begins to leak out from the space between our lips.

“Grazie, Signorina.”

Once I’ve had my fill, I part our lips and smile at my cute lover.

“...I’m sorry for teasing you.”

“G-Geez, Nicola…!”

She huffs a deep breath and softly pinches my cheeks, glaring at me who’s chuckling at her while muttering that it hurts.

Suddenly, she asks me with a serious face.

“Say, Nicola?”

“Hm?”

“Were you really just joking earlier?”

“––”

Suddenly, I can’t let a single word out.

It’s only a short silence, but it’s enough time to turn her concern into conviction.

I exhale quietly while feeling her hand caressing my cheek.

“...the fact that you’re thinking of me, I know that well. That’s why, to get jealous of every little thing, even I think there’s something wrong with myself.”

It’s not something that can be controlled by reason.

“It’s not just Leo. My chest hurts just from the sight of you laughing with another man.”

Before I fall in love with her, I never felt like this before.

I never thought of myself as an open-minded person, but right now, I’m amazed at the extent of my current self’s narrow-mindedness and selfishness.

“I think Nicola knows this too…but even I have gotten jealous before.”

As though acting spoiled, she leans against me.

“...For example?”

“Like whenever I go on a date with you. Because you’re so cool, even when you’re just walking down the street, all the girls go crazy for you!”

(Rather than being praised by anyone else, I’m happier that she calls me ‘cool’ though.)

Even as I think so, I quietly wait for the continuation of her words without interrupting. She lowers her eyes in slight embarrassment and continues.

“...But. That time, noticing that I’ve gotten jealous, Nicola - you immediately kissed me right?”

I certainly remember that I did that.

On that day too, my lover was absolutely the cutest, and afterwards, like kidnapping her, I had brought her to this mansion.

“I’ve always been protected and spoiled by Nicola’s kindness. That’s why, when you get jealous, I want you to tell me. I will…do my best.”

“Do your best?”

“...Yes.”

She nods with a serious expression on her face.

I love her for telling me how she feels.

Running my fingers through her still slightly wet hair, I express my anxiety to her.

“...You won’t come to hate me?”

In the end, my fear remains the same.

That is, the idea of her hating me. And me losing her.

“I have a strong desire to possess, and I easily get jealous. I’ve also made you worry and made you cry. I love you…and because I love you, I might do things that you don’t like.”

But then my fiancée cuts me off.

“Even that part of Nicola…I like them all.”

(Aah…)

It’s always like this.

She always expresses her feelings so straightforwardly.

“...Even though sometimes you’re really mean…and of course, there are times when I thought I would like you to do it in moderation…but even so…”

Even when I’m attacked by anxiety, just this feeling of love, I will never doubt.

“Even so…that side Nicola, I love them all.”

She sincerely loves me.

Those words and feelings, they’ve saved me over and over again – I’ve been made to realize this over and over again.

(I…I need you.)

I like you, I love you, there are so many that I want to tell you.